Cart Girls have THE BEST JOB in the whole world and there is no argument.

A year ago today we got about a foot of snow, but it looks like the ground hog got it right this year and Spring sprung early.

The Mile High (Recreational) Golfers are out in full force as the weather has turned warmer. Golf checks all the boxes. It is seen as a necessary business, exercise, and you can socially distance while playing. Every year around this time, we all head out to have a nice first round of the season. No later than the third hole, and there she is: blonde hair up in a pony tail behind the white visor, and despite it being 90 degrees she has a long sleeve quarter zip, yet a tennis skirt that shows off her perfectly tanned thighs. This woman is my arch nemesis, and it's just the time they crawl back out from under hell. I am not talking about any one particular cart girl. I am talking about all of them.

Do you want to talk about the EASIEST job of all time?

"Hey Sally, I'm going to pay you $10 an hour to drive this golf cart around the course and have old men drool over you while you open beer cans for them... The catch is you have to flirt back if you want to get tipped!" You teach girls from a young age that it pays to be hot, and although it shouldn't, it's true, it does. Think about all the models in the world. They get paid to be tan and wear bikinis. In the case of cart girls, they get paid to be the medium between the course and selling beer to the courses members. Imagine going to the golf course and buying a beer from a man. It has never happened in the history of golf. The pitch from the course is essentially, "we know we are one 19 year old female with short shorts away from selling beer at much-too-high a price to all the members". This my friends is capitalism. Sweet, sweet, capitalism: get one decent looking 19 year old behind the steering wheel of a golf cart full of beers, and you have got a MONEY MAKER.

Double standards are THE WORST. All I ever wanted to be growing up was a cart girl. Before you judge me, lets lay out all of the benefits:

1) You get to drive a golf cart - This is a top 10 thing everyone does in their life. Your first time ever out on the course, and you could give a damn about finding a fairway, or making a 30 foot putt. All you want to do is drive the cart. And it never gets less satisfying. I worked two summers at a golf course doing the complete opposite of cart girl. They should've just written "bitch" on my name tag. As a Cart Barn kid I had the pleasure to clean up carts which many times meant I was throwing away beer cans, cigars, and cleaning dip spit off the seat of the cart. But when you got to drive the cart..... a little smirk always ran across your face every damn time..... Meanwhile, The Cart Girl was giving the members ammunition to make my life harder while getting to drive a cart.

2) You work on the golf course - There is NOTHING more peaceful than being out on the links. The pro shop, cart barn, and driving range: all not super fun places to work. In the pro shop you have to maintain a good schedule and make sure players are getting out on time. In the cart barn you are full of grass and mud, and beer from cleaning the carts all day. The driving range is fun, but there is only so many songs you can play while driving the picker back and forth. The guys who mow the grass have it pretty good. Sure you work at the ass crack of dawn, but to hear only the mower and the birds chirping while you see the fresh morning dew on the grass is pretty damn peaceful. The Cart Girls, however, have the best job. They don't have to be at the course as early as the mowers. Nor, do they have much work to do. The unload some alcohol, waters, and sunscreen onto the cart, and go about their day on the perfectly mowed grass.

3) You get paid to flirt - Most Cart Girls are high school or college age. This means: if they know anything, they know how to flirt. The know exactly what to say to get some change off of an old man. Seen it first hand dozens of times. If nothing else, the girls are able to practice their flirting for the boys they are pursuing and getting paid to do it.

If you look at the disadvantages to being a cart girl, there aren't many.

1) You have to flirt with old men.

If you learn nothing else from this blog post, you have to learn two things. If you are a girl: it pays to be hot, and it pays to flirt.

I leave you with this. "When I grow up, I want to be a cart girl" is the ONLY thing you have to hope your daughter says. She will be catching a bag all the while realizing having a sugar daddy is creepy as hell.